The Architect (Contemporary Clover Lake Grooms Book 1) Page 8

  She set the letter with the others, and wrapping her arms around herself, she got up and left the house. She went down to the dock and sat with her legs hanging over the edge. She’d spent so many years feeling like she didn’t belong at the lake because her mother hadn’t been there. That she’d considered herself too much like her to be able to stay in one place. That they were both bigger than the small town of Montrose, and now she knew the whole truth. Her mother’s wisdom had given Phoebe the foundation to know her own strengths; even at the young age she’d been when she’d passed. Her mother had known that Phoebe wanted to make something of her life, and though she was angry and hurt, she knew that once those things cleared from her view she’d see that leaving her with Gram had been the best thing for her. She knew now that her mother hadn’t become addicted to drugs because she was overwhelmed or irresponsible, she’d become addicted because she hadn’t felt like she’d fit. She needed to escape, and the high had given that to her. She knew instinctually that the moment her mother had spoken of in the letter, the one she’d called the most impactful of her life, was the moment she’d first gotten high. It had given her everything she’d never been able to find.

  Phoebe sat on the dock for a long while, remembering and thinking about her mother, before she came to the conclusion that Jarred had been right. In order for her to be whole, for her to know what it meant to be who she should be, she needed to reconcile the pieces of herself that she’d let scatter over the years. The letter had brought two pieces together. Phoebe had let go of the part of her that had been Winifred’s daughter because she never wanted to be as irresponsible as her mother had been. She never wanted to hurt her gram in the way her mother had. But she understood better now and had been able to see that the little girl Winifred had helped raise was worth something. Phoebe needed that part of herself.

  Phoebe pushed herself from the dock just as a large hawk swooped down from the sky and glided across the water, nabbing a fish. A chill ran down her spine. She took a breath and felt a sense of calm come over her that she hadn’t felt in a really long time. She smiled. Maybe the lake had claimed her a little bit.

  Ten

  They had the lights on the field. The bleachers were full and she could hear the score buzzer from the parking lot. Each time it sounded, loud cheers from the crowd followed it. Being there brought back more memories than she really cared to think about, but she knew she was doing the right thing. She’d decided that she needed to bring the pieces of herself together so that she could make decisions that weren’t all in avoidance of past behavior or even the idea of a certain behavior.

  She’d not been able to have a steady relationship because she’d always cut and run long before the men had been able to. She’d also never let the men in her life fully into her life. They never met her friends. Never met her family. Jarred had been the only boy she’d ever brought to the lake. What had happened between them had made her not want to sour that place with situations like that.

  “Hey, Phee!” Phoebe’s long-time best friend, Daisy, came bouncing over. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

  Phoebe hugged her tightly. “I didn’t know I was.” She looked her friend over from head to toe. She looked sad and tired. She started to ask if something was wrong but thought better of it. “I’m sorry I haven’t called. I’ve been in court and just got back this afternoon.”

  Daisy shook her head, and the ends of her blonde bob whipped her in the face. She laughed. It made her look brighter. Phoebe smiled.

  “I assume you’re here to see Jarred.” Daisy linked her arm with Phoebe’s. She nodded.

  “Yeah. He said something earlier that hadn’t really made sense, but it does now. I just thought I’d let him know.”

  Daisy pulled Phoebe over to the side of the bleachers where what looked like everyone in town was sitting. It was a sea of maroon and white as Phoebe scanned the steep steps for his familiar face. She didn’t see him right away, but other faces stuck out. Alexander was there, as were the twins. A shiver ran down her spine when she thought about last time she had been at one of these games and the twins had been there. She looked back up at them. She watched as they giggled with each other the way they had since high school. Jackie stood as Phoebe was watching and started waving like a mad woman. A pit fell in Phoebe’s stomach. She just knew if she turned to look at where Jackie was waving, she’d see Jarred.

  “He doesn’t give a hoot about either of them.”

  Phoebe tensed and realized that she was holding her breath.

  Daisy patted her hand. “He never has, Phee. Plus, we’re not in high school anymore.” She looked around. “Well, we’re at high school, but we’re not students. You’re a grown woman that knows what she wants and does what needs doin’.” She shook her head and straightened her back. “You march over there and claim what’s yours.”

  Phoebe shook her head. “He’s not mine to claim, Daisy. He never has been.” The pit in her stomach had started to make her think funny things. Like that Jarred didn’t really care about her. That everything that had happened between them was just like it had been the first time, a trick on a poor freshmen who didn’t know any better. “It’s just like last time,” she whispered, but Daisy heard her.

  Phoebe tried to turn away, but her friend held fast to her arm. “No. Phoebe Sullivan, I will not let you walk away from this.” She made Phoebe face her. “I am your best friend, even though we barely talk anymore…”

  Phoebe shook herself, and she opened her mouth to explain.

  “No. Don’t. It’s okay. We’re both busy. We have lives. I didn’t mean it like that.” Daisy looked at her softly, and Phoebe brought her in for a hug. “You need to tell him. You need to tell him now like you should have then. Don’t waste more years. You two have always been meant to be, you just weren’t ready for each other when you found each other.”

  Phoebe let her friend’s words sink in but felt like they were a little watery. Almost as if she wasn’t sure she believed them. She dropped her arms and looked into Daisy’s eyes. They were shadowed and a little gray, and they were fixated on a spot high in the bleachers. Alexander.

  Phoebe brought her friend back in for a tight hug. She’d had a feeling a long time ago that Daisy was into Alex, but they never seemed to be in the same place at the same time. “I will if you will.” Daisy pulled back and looked at Phoebe. Phoebe laughed at the questioning look in her eye. “Don’t. Stop doing that. You’re encouraging me to own this for myself. I want you to do it for you too.”

  It was quiet between them for a while and then the buzzer sounded and the crowd went crazy again. Daisy breathed out slowly. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

  Phoebe was terrified. She knew that Jarred had gone to sit with the twins. She’d watched him climb the bleachers and find a spot right next to Jackie. She could also tell that Jackie kept trying to creep closer to him. Phoebe’s blood was boiling by the time she got up high enough that Jarred spotted her. He stayed where he was. She wasn’t sure if she was grateful he’d stayed or upset that he hadn’t immediately come to her. She climbed the rest of the way up to him, thinking about it the whole way. It distracted her from what else she was doing and what she was going to have to say. By the time she reached him, she was glad that he’d stayed put.

  Phoebe stood in front of him. She offered him a smile before turning to the twins and saying, “Hello.” Neither of them looked pleased, Jackie the least of the two. “I’m sorry,” she started out. He started to stand. She pushed him back down. She knew what would happen if she let him up, and she knew she’d never get out all she had to say if she let him. “I’m sorry I wasn’t listening earlier. I understand what you mean now, and you were right. It takes all of our experiences to make us whole. All of my past is part of that.” She lifted her hand off his shoulder, letting him know that if he wanted to get up now she was close enough to done that he could.

  Phoebe was breathing really hard. Her lips were going dry, and she felt a li
ttle dizzy. She had vertigo with heights, but she was sure that the current bout had much more to do with the circumstance and the conversation than it did how high she was from the ground.

  Jarred stood, and the bleachers rocked. Phoebe’s breath came in short bursts as he wrapped his arms around her and mid-sentence covered her mouth with his own right there in front of everyone. Phoebe melted into him. She let the past float by and the whispers and the not-so-softly spoken words in the present drift past as the world became just the two of them.

  His lips were soft but firm. Demanding from her everything she had. She responded in kind, and when they finally broke apart, she felt spent but in the best possible way.

  “That is what I should have done all those years ago.” Phoebe’s eyes were caught in his. She felt both strong and helpless, snared in his stare. “When they all asked. When they all assumed. I should have told them then.” He paused and shook his head. “No. I should have told you that you were mine or at least that I wanted you to be. I know that day had an impact on you, but it did on me too. I was never the same.”

  Phoebe couldn’t help but smile. She leaned forward and kissed him softly again. “I like it better that you told me above the bleachers out in the open rather than beneath them.”

  Jarred chuckled.

  Suddenly there was an elbow in her back, and she was being pushed. Jarred caught her so she didn’t actually fall, but she turned to look and see who it was, even though she already knew. Jackie.

  In her haste to get away from them, she’d run into Phoebe, jarring her forward. Now Jackie was racing down the stairs. Bridget stood and glared at the two of them. She shook her head. “You two deserve each other!” she yelled before chasing after her sister.

  Dawn broke on the lake, and Phoebe watched the sunrise from Jarred’s arms. After the game, they’d grabbed dinner and headed back to his house. They built a fire and spent the entire night eating and talking, finally falling asleep together in the hammock looking over the water. Phoebe couldn’t remember being happier. She was thrilled that things were working out between her and Jarred but concerned that once they had to return to real life, things would change. She snuggled closer against his chest.

  Jarred stirred. “Good morning, sunshine.” He smiled and kissed her softly on the forehead.

  “Mmmmmm, good morning.”

  Birds were chirping and fish were jumping. There was a slightly damp chill in the air as the sun hit the dew on the grass. Jarred wrapped his arms tightly around her. “You never did tell me what changed your mind last night.”

  Phoebe laughed a little. She knew it was silly, which was why she hadn’t told him. She turned into him carefully, trying not to tip the hammock and dump them both in a heap on the wet ground. “Promise you won’t laugh?”

  “Why would I? Anything or anyone that brings you to me isn’t funny.”

  She held his arms against her. “My mother.” She swallowed hard. “She’s the one that convinced me to come. She’s the one that made me realize that I needed to allow the pieces of myself that I’ve left behind to come back so that I can heal, so that I can be whole. I want to be.” Snuggling closer to him for both heat and comfort, she continued. “After you left last night, I kept reading the things in the box. I don’t really know what I was hoping to find exactly, just something that gave me an idea of what the best thing to do about the property might be. I have never really let this place settle into my bones the way that Gram had.” She shook her head. “Anyway…sorry. So I was searching, and I found a letter that my mother had written to Gram apologizing for everything.” Phoebe got quiet. She’d thought only briefly about these things before she acted. Recounting them to Jarred made it all feel more real. “And explaining why she was leaving me. For good.”

  Phoebe heard Jarred’s sharp intake of breath, but he didn’t respond. She just lay there quietly in his arms, taking all that he was offering her.

  “Can I show you something?”

  Phoebe was taken back. That wasn’t the response she was expecting. Not that she was sure what she was expecting, but it wasn’t that. She looked into his eyes. “Okaaaayyyy…”

  He shook her and smiled before he kissed her soundly. “Alright then. Let’s go.”

  Jarred was awfully chipper. Phoebe’s stomach was growling as they climbed carefully out of the hammock. “Any chance I can grab a shower and some food before we go?” She narrowed her eyes at him as they both started to straighten after getting their feet on the ground.

  Jarred seemed to be thinking about it, which made her laugh. “Let me rephrase that. I need coffee and a shower, maybe even some food before I do anything else.”

  He smiled back and nodded. “Come inside. We’ll fix you up.”

  Jarred had wanted to cook her breakfast for a long time. There was something about her that made him want to care for her, but not in a helpless way. She was strong and capable. She was smart and had been doing a great job of taking care of herself without anyone’s help. But that was all the more reason to do it, because he didn’t have to. He hoped it made her feel special.

  His kitchen overlooked the lake, and after brewing Phoebe a cup of coffee, he set to work on breakfast. He made an egg scramble filled with veggies he’d been given by the Utters. Daisy and her family had the biggest farm left in the area. They had loads of chickens and other livestock, plus bees, and every year they planted fields upon fields of vegetables. They had recently opened a small market in town, where one could stop in and purchase homemade local things as well as anything from the farm. Jarred went almost every time he was in town.

  He set plates at the table and sat next to her.

  “Thank you. This looks delicious.”

  Jarred nodded and smiled. “Thank you for coming to the game last night.”

  Phoebe picked up her fork and started to eat. Between bites, she asked him random things including, “Do you miss it?”

  “Miss what?”

  “Lacrosse.”

  The feelings immediately washed over him. The adrenaline of walking out onto the field, the way is chest felt when he was short of breath but had just scored so excitement had taken over the pain in his body. Then he thought about what it had been like without it, which lead to him thinking about Rosalind and how she’d helped him. He nodded. “I do, but not as much as I did. Your gram actually helped me with that.” He stuffed his mouth full of eggs, chewed, and swallowed before he finished. “More than I think even she realized.”

  Phoebe kept eating. She’d finished about half of what Jarred had put on her plate before she set her fork down and turned to him. “I don’t know that I can keep this place, Jarred.”

  Jarred tried to swallow, but a lump had formed in his throat. He’d thought for some reason that when she’d returned to him that this would be part of the deal. He searched for words. He nodded. He understood her hesitation, but he also knew staying was the best thing for her to do. She needed to keep it. He’d just have to prove it to her. He let his nod be his response and finished his food.

  “Did you still want a shower?” he asked her with a playful grin. He’d not been able to stop thinking about her. At all. His body responded to even the thought of her showering. He stood uncomfortably and picked up their plates.

  “Yes. I’ll just head home. Meet me in an hour?”

  Jarred set the plates in the sink before coming around the counter and catching her as she was walking toward the door. He pulled her close, his hands on the small of her back. His body still hadn’t calmed, and his heart was racing. He could almost taste her, she was so close. “You could always shower here,” he whispered with a laugh in his voice.

  Phoebe hit him playfully on the chest. “Not today, cowboy.”

  She bit her lip and tried to pull away. Jarred held her steady. He leaned forward and sucked the bottom lip she’d been biting into his mouth. He bit it softly. “I’m going to hold you to that,” he told her softly as he let her lip go, then he captured it
once again and drowned himself in her. Finally pulling back, he let her go, happy to see that her cheeks were flushed as he watched her turn and walk away.

  Jarred was keyed up, so he headed out to the deck and sat on his cushion. He’d been having a hard time getting back into a routine of meditating since Phoebe had come back into his life. She had his brain scrambled and his belly in knots. He closed his eyes and let the sun beat on his face as he tried to settle both his mind and his body.

  He wasn’t sure how long he ended up sitting there until he entered the house. He had only fifteen minutes before he needed to be back at Phoebe’s. He showered quickly, thinking the whole time about how he could try to convince her to keep the property, even if she stayed in Philly. The thought of it was like a punch in the gut, but he knew she needed to do what was best for herself. He also knew he had to let her or things would never work between them.

  Jarred’s jaw slacked and anger swirled within him as he pulled into Phoebe’s driveway. He parked the truck, got out, and slammed the door, stomping over to where Jackie had Phoebe seemingly trapped against the wall. “Don’t get into this, Jarred.” Phoebe held out a hand to stop him as he got closer. He stopped. She didn’t look afraid. Jackie was for sure out of sorts, but Phoebe could handle herself.

  Jackie turned on him. “What is it? I’ve been trying to figure it out for years now. It hasn’t seemed to matter what I do or what I don’t do…” Tears were streaming down her face.

  Jarred looked to Phoebe for help. Her eyes bored into his, pleading with him. Her mouth held a soft line. She shook her head and mouthed the word “drunk.” He understood immediately.